Hey! How are ya? I hope you’re doing great, I hope you’re thriving. I mean it! I hope your Monday wrecks ass. In a positive way. Not sure if “wrecks ass” has the connotation I want it to. I hope you’re having a nice start to your week, is what I’m trying to say. And if your Monday does not wreck ass, say it sucks wang, I hope you go home later and take a nice long soak in your tub. Use one of those bath bombs the relative-who-doesn’t-know-you-that-well got you for Christmas. Go to the store and grab a bottle (or a box, go off) of Merlot and maybe some dark chocolate with caramel and sea salt. Drinking red wine in the bath is ultimate decadence and you deserve it. Dark chocolate is good for you, and so is red wine. I am your doctor now and this is my prescription. What kind of doctor am I? Well here’s my advice. Whiskey is medicine. You should be getting 14 hours of sleep a day. 10 minutes on the stationary bike counts as exercise. I may not have gone to medical school but I do believe in another life I was a healer. I’m great at reading vibes. My boyfriend had the hiccups the other day so I rubbed his belly and they stopped. What other evidence do you need? What does it take to be my patient? Being subscribed to this email list. No health insurance? No problem. I gotchu bb.
So, anyways. Been thinking about how all l I want in the world is a really nice bathroom. With a claw footed tub. I don’t even like baths that much (too hot, stressful, tummy rises in water, etc), but if I had a claw-footed situation you know I’d be dunkin’ my donk in there. I want my bathroom to be the type of place a housewife would abuse prescription medication. Feel me? I want a chaise lounge in there, in case I have one of my spells. If I’m not successful enough to have a fainting couch, none of this was worth it.
I’m feeling good. Been watching too many YouTube vlogs made by teenage girls in Los Angeles, which is not the healthy for my outlook on life, but other than that I’m happy. Feeling juicy. Ate a peach over the sink the other day and it was perfectly ripe and I thought this is what it’s all about. I’ve been trying to really appreciate things. Like, when I went in on that peach, I was present, I was grateful, I was alive. Eat a peach, squeeze it a little to make sure it’s good, and eat it over the sink. Doctor Lael’s final rec for the day.
Not much else to report, just wanted to check in on ya. Send ya a sweet lil’ treat in your inbox, if you’re down for it. Send me an email! firstname.lastname@example.org Tell me about your day! Eaten any good fruit lately? I wanna know.
Love ya bye!